Lots to think about…

I have stated before that I have been extremely lucky in this, hopefully my last, attempt to become sober once and for all.  I haven’t had cravings, nor suffered any withdrawal symptoms.  I haven’t fought with feelings of ‘Oh, normally I’d do this with a glass of fizz’ and if I have had anywhere near that thought, it has been fleeting.  I have been able to envisage a life without another glass of wine or ‘poshecco’!!  Picture myself totally in control at all future weddings (not mine I hasten to add) work dos, birthdays, funerals (again, not mine 😉 ).  I can’t give any other explanation for this other than my head is obviously ‘in the right place’.

Or is it that I was so ashamed of my behaviour over the last few years that I have been put off drinking for life?

Or is it the disappointment in my father’s face when I fell off a train onto the platform flat on my face because I was so drunk?

Or is it the money that I poured down my throat over the years?

Perhaps it was my use of social media to publicly humiliate an ex, when in actual fact it is me that is humiliated?

Maybe the possibility of losing my job over the aforementioned social media no-no?

There are hundreds of events that I could list that I wish I hadn’t done, people I wish I hadn’t upset, family I long to have not disappointed and the constant self-loathing and depression.  But nothing can be done to change what has gone before.

Now I have to think about the future.  My re-found confidence.  To look for another job and to meet new people, make new friends.  I have done more in 71 days than I have done in the last 10 years, if not more.  I have done a spot of public speaking!! I am doing a little more for our good friend Binki this Saturday!  I have agreed to do a talk for a friend to a group of people in May (on what, I have no idea!).  Public speaking was an absolute ‘NO WAY’ before I stopped drinking!

I have set up The Happiness Club, in conjunction with Psychologies Magazine and ‘Action for Happiness’ and I am embracing changes in my personal life and taking steps to overcome difficulties in that area.

I feel positive and I need to give something back, as corny as that sounds (albeit not as corny as ‘The Happiness Club’!!).  I have had counselling, psychotherapy, group support, CBT, help from A&E departments, help from the police, help from local medical professionals and services, help from friends and family, help from total strangers.  All because I was selfishly throwing alcohol down my neck.  I am nearing the end of my first course in Counselling, with the second course to start later this year, so that I can start to give back.

So you see, I have a lot to think about – but it’s looking forward and it’s looking positively to find a way to make my awful experiences over the last 20 years of my life count for something and somebody.

And if this post comes under ‘Recorked’s Blog’, I think I may have finally cracked it Binki 😉  Hurrah! xx

 

The peaceful mind

The peaceful mind

by Hippydippy66

Hi All

This is my first of many blogs I hope.  I wanted to kick off with looking at the nature of our mind, on quite a simplistic level.

As I am sure we can all relate, when we have been drinking in the past, our mind has been anything but peaceful. Indeed, alcohol makes our mind depressed, anxious, fearful and we can be filled with lots of self loathing.

In comparison, when we have a sober mind, our depression, anxiety, fear and self loathing is lessened, I would suggest, quite considerably. This is not to say that when we become sober, all our problems magically disappear (I wish), but that problems are easier to deal with with a clearer mind lessened by the effects of alcohol.

Buddha teaches that the mind creates our reality.

From my own experience, I know that when I had been drinking I was highly critical of everything and everyone around me at the time, until the alcohol wore off. The same situation and people when sober would appear to be normal to me. This is I feel a clear example that our faults do not lie in anything external to us, it is our own mind that is projecting the good, the bad ad the ugly onto people and external situations.

I love the idea that whatever I feel and create is down to me and my own mind not the result of anything external. This feels really empowering.

I know that I therefore have a responsibiity to keep my mind as peaceful as possible which I will blog about later.

Thanks for reading

Love me x