Never again, not tonight again


Thank you for this share from an inspirational lady:

Hello dear swans, today marks 6 months from the day I made my mind up to really give this a shot. The couple of weeks before I was drinking every day, and the months before my weekend drinking was getting out of control. I made so many promises to myself, every Saturday morning in fact, not to experience the hellish hangover I was invariably fighting off. In fact, I was beginning to stop fighting it, and just wallowing in it. What I mean by fighting it is, you know, getting up, dragging myself out of bed, coffee on and off to the gym to sweat it out, all the while beating the be jaysus out of myself and saying, never again, not tonight again and all the rest of the negative stuff that would flood into my mind as I pounded the treadmill.

Laterally I wasn’t even managing that, I was just wallowing in bed, feeling low, berating myself and comfort eating with huge breakfasts.

I remember the weeks prior to stopping I was coming to the decision of going for it again, I was reading a lot of blogs and in the contemplation / preparation phase. But that for me also gave me the permission to binge on it with abandon. Crazy?!

So the Saturday before I stopped I binged on red wine and snack food so much that I had some wine left in the bottom of the bottle. Sunday was supposed to be day 1 but no, I had to drink that last glass as it didn’t even enter into my head to pour it down the sink! So Monday became day 1, the first few weeks before I found SWAN I watched, read and listened to as much sober stuff on line. That’s what I did of an evening. Fridays were dire to begin with but I made sure I had things planned for the first few. For me it got easier as I became more aware of the sense of calm stopping brought me. The overwhelming sense of relief that I was able to do this & the penny dropping that it was alcohol that was compounding my depression.

A few weeks later I found you lovely people and that definitely has been the making of this attempt. My sobriety also became number 1 priority and I refused social occasions at the start, I walked away from situations to avoid triggers, no matter what others thought of me. It was the only way for me.

I was thinking of others struggling at the start, and a couple of things other than above helped me. I have a counter app on my phone which I like to look at occasionally to remind myself, and also because my memory for numbers is dreadful! I use “Quit That” and also “Drinks Meter” which allows you to enter what you were/ are drinking and examine possible consequences. It was designed by a health professional with an interest in alcohol misuse and excellent I think. Re SWAN It took me a while to start sharing but as I’ve said before, having that connection and non-judgemental feedback & support has taught me so much about this “thing” we are all trying to do.

A prize if you managed to read this far – a ramble as per usual.

Thank you all who have supported, given me your pearls of wisdom, or just sent me a hug from time to time.

Ye are the best xxx


Binki adds: if you would like to join a confidential support group on Facebook please friend request me and I will add you.