Hello all, posting from my usual place on the sofa. We went to Guisborough Forest yesterday, walking along the Cleveland Way and it was glorious, despite the wind. We are starting to explore the North Yorkshire area even though we have lived around here nearly 18 months now and tended to stay nearer the house.
It’s really a caged bird syndrome that we both suffer from,or have done, where we have both been so stressed by various things that when leisure time comes along, we have still tended to hover near a safe place.
Yet I love walking and exploring further afield. As a drinker I used to walk/run/ride for hours the day after a drink binge, with the desire to fight off the hangover and prove I was functioning. Drink like a fish and still get up and behave perfectly normally the next day…what was the phrase, work hard,play hard…blah blah.
Then once the drinking was out of my life all the dire problems with money and self-esteem and other boring stuff raised their head and needed/need to be faced and that is why I think I have been very much a hermit at weekends and evenings, because the effort of ‘having fun’ was really a lot to manage when the stress of normal life seemed to overtake any chance of actually relaxing, without a drink. So one stays paralysed with fear.
It’s like being placed on the edge of a cliff and told, you will fly if you jump, but not quite believing it. Anyway, the upshot of this ramble is that if you are not doing so already, make yourself come out of your own particular stressed out cage and force yourself out there, and make yourself have some fun. Rediscover what it is that you love, or discover what you love now that may be different from before.
For me, relaxation and permission to have fun is the next stage of recovery, to come out of old routines which I created to protect me from stress, but which have become the extenders of stressors in many ways. Staying in is not the new going out! Not even sure if any of that makes sense, but I feel better for writing it, and thanks for listening.