Navigating Nights Out – Part 1

Good evening!  I’m going to have to start writing at a more respectable hour of the day as I’m tired and know that I should be preparing for bed, but what the hell.  Why not?  And by the time I’ve finished, I’m sure I’ll be wide awake again!

I’ve called this ‘Part 1’ because I get a feeling there may be more to report on in the future!

I went out last Saturday to try a new place in town that has been taken over by a couple of creative people who will be using the space to show artwork, hold events of different natures, promote creative iniatives etc.  On this particular night they were hosting Guerilla Eats – an array of different street food sellers who would be able to sell from there for around two weeks.

We all met at a different bar and when I got there a few had already turned up and as it happened my friend and two others had been drinking since 1pm and even been home for a nap in the meantime!  Once everyone had arrived we had a drink (cranberry for me) and made our way to The Wonder Inn for some of the marvellous food on offer.  I had a double beef burger with cheese, which might not sound exciting, but it was awesome and perhaps one of the best burgers I have EVER had.  To wash it down I had a San Pellegrino lemonade.  There wasn’t much of a bar going on here and for the ‘drinkers’ there were a few speciality beers and ales, so I was surprised they even had San Pellegrino as a soft option! (They are nice, too nice, but full of sugar.) Two drinks later, the general consensus was to move to another bar – fair enough.

Now, I had been thinking about this night out for a while.  I have been out since becoming sober, to a number of things in actual fact, and haven’t overthought the issues of everyone else having a drink.  For some reason this night was different.  Perhaps it was because it was a Saturday night? I don’t know, perhaps I had a sixth sense that it would be different, you know? A bit more ‘full on’.

Anyway,  having thought about it for so long and knowing that there was nothing different about my mindset – I knew things would be fine.  Strange, but fine.

So, here I am in the middle of ‘The Alchemist’ in the Northern Quarter of Manchester on a Saturday night.  Everyone is drunk.  Everyone.  With each round of drinks – bourbon cocktail, gin cocktail, bottles of beer, pints of lager – I have a mocktail.  And as the first one is passed over the bar, all of my friends slur, ‘Woooooow, that looks amaaaaaaaaazing’.  Too pineapple-y, actually, but thanks! (They lost interest by the time I got to my favourite – an apple mojito!)  Half an hour in and a friend of a friend, and the bar manager, decided to get a round of tequila shots.  He puts one in front of everyone including me and as my hand was half-raised to say, thanks but I don’t drink, my friend launched herself at me and locked me within her arms and shouted ‘Nooooooo – she can’t! I’ll protect yooooou…..’

I was in stitches and the shot was given to a deserving member of bar staff.  A lot of the group were giving me funny so I said that yes, not drinking includes not drinking tequila shots!  I get the feeling that they felt sorry for me, like I was really losing out. I much preferred sambuca shots to be honest – never was much of a fan of tequila 🙂

Prior to this display of love and ‘protection’ by my friend Hannah, I was asked by one of the guys why wasn’t I drinking.  I haven’t really been asked this so directly before and I said I gave up just before New Year’s Eve and have been sober since then.  To which he replied, ‘But when are you going to start drinking again?’

‘Well, I haven’t thought about starting again.  All being well, I won’t.  I feel a lot better and can survive without it.’

‘But wouldn’t you rather have a drink now? We’re all drinking…’

‘Oh my goodness, even if I chose to tonight, I can’t.  I’m on medication.’

‘When do you take your medication?’


‘What time of day?’

‘Err, in the morning.’

‘Well, you should be alright now then?’

‘No, it’s medication to deter me from drinking.  I take it every day.  I can’t have a drink because if I had alcohol now I would be very ill – vomitting, pounding headache, racing heart rate…I would probably have to go to hospital.’

‘Can you sick it up?  Not take one in the morning? It would be worth it, wouldn’t it?  You could drink more to numb the pain?’

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!! Who is the fucking alcoholic here?  I’ve probably explained LESS to Hannah who wanted to ‘protect me’ from tequila shots (bless her) than I have to this dickhead who now knows I am taking medication for alcoholism and he is trying to tempt me to have a drink.  Fucking idiot.  Fucking ignorant, uneducated, dumbass fucking twat.  And he’s a teacher!  FUCK ME!!!!!

I was talking to the bar manager at one point a bit later and we were laughing about the shot incident where Hannah and I nearly ended up falling on the floor, legs akimbo.  As I was bemoaning the downside of mocktails being too sweet a lot of the time, I said, ‘I expect I am your least favourite type of customer, not drinking alcohol and moaning about the non-alcoholic drinks!!’  He looked completely affronted and said that the most important thing to him is making the customers happy and if they want a drink without alcohol, then the job of the bar staff is to make me a drink without alcohol.  And if I find that too sweet, tell them and the next one will be tweaked to make it better for me!  He was a charming, lovely man (also drunk as he was off-duty) and made me feel quite special amongst the mayhem of merry punters.

So, the night carried on.  I danced my little socks off, declined a dance with the arsehole teacher which made me feel better (!) and I didn’t get home until 3.30am!  Dirty stop out.

I suppose that there are always going to be people that can’t accept that some people choose not to drink, whether they know the reason for that choice or not.  And there will always be those people that just accept a person’s decision without question.  And we sober superstars must accept that.  I have no desire to talk to an idiot, arsehole, thoughtless dickhead, let alone try to change them and the way they think.  I really do think that some people are truly, truly dumb.  Others are jealous and may try to force you into having a drink because they can’t do it and don’t want to see you succeed.

Don’t give your time and energy to people who don’t want you to succeed, please.  Don’t ever feel like you have to explain yourself to anyone about the reasons you choose not to drink alcohol.  If someone asks a legitimate question, sure, answer it.  They might be asking because they want to do the same and want your opinion.  They might genuinely care and want to understand so that they can offer you support.  Hannah nearly crushed me with her arms and almost knocked me off my chair because she cares and didn’t want me to be subjected to the temptation.  Given, it wasn’t exactly discrete, but no-one else said a word after that! (And neither of us ever really ‘do’ discrete anyway.)

Nights out – they are a minefield for us for all sorts of reasons – but I can’t wait for the next one!

I’m off to make a hot milk as I’m not so sleepy anymore 😉

Toodle-oo for now xx

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Confusingly confused and trying to find the meaning in the meaning of life.

3 thoughts on “Navigating Nights Out – Part 1”

  1. I came across one of these dickheads in the early days of sobriety and I also had a friend who was being very protective when this git just kept going on and on and on about why I wasn’t drinking. It was New Years Day and we went to the wine bar for lunch. Everyone was just topping up from the night before really and of course I was on pineapple and lemonade (no mocktails in this wine bar just a huge question mark on the face of the barman when I asked!!). Why aren’t you drinking are you driving?
    No, said I
    Well have a drink then
    No thanks, not for me
    She doesn’t want one, said my friend Gilly
    Are you ill, on meds or something?
    No I’m fine thanks
    Leave her alone, said my friend Gilly
    What’s wrong with you then, its New Year?
    I don’t drink alcohol anymore because I got into trouble with it and was drinking too much too often, so I gave it up and don’t drink anymore and I don’t miss it either (through gritted teeth)
    Oh, said he, I think sometimes I drink too much too……then he went into a drinkathon story of his drinking, so I said well give it up then, you will feel better,
    Hmmm, he said, wish I could and turned away to get another brandy
    I agree with you that telling it how it is and being content with that opens the door to anyone who is struggling and may want to talk more and those who don’t, usually accept your honesty and carry on regardless and do leave you alone, even if what you really want to say ‘eff off pisshead.
    You have given me an idea to do a post on SWAN and see how others have dealt with THE BIG QUESTION………. thanks. Lots of love and stay proud of yourself, Janey xx

    Liked by 2 people

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