Well, I have done 75 days sober!

Today I have been lucky enough to meet some of the most genuine, friendly, caring and supportive people from the world of SWANS and Soberistas.

It has been so special meeting them face to face and building a bond that I hope will continue into the future. Meeting people who share the same issues and who understand what we are going through is a big part of the recovery process – so today has meant a great great deal to me. I did have a bit of a moan about not feeling brilliant since I stopped drinking alcohol. I’m proud to have reached today, without a doubt, but there are things that aren’t going great:
1) I’m not sleeping (approx 15 hours in the last week)
2) My skin is shit
3) I’ve not lost weight
4) My depression hasn’t improved

But then some of the positives…
1) I’ve not been in hospital due to overdosing on meds
2) I’ve not blacked out and lost great big chunks of time
3) I have been out and met more people in 10 weeks than I have in the last 10 years (no joke)
4) I have overcome my fear of speaking in front of people (although I felt today was all over the place due to zero hours sleep last night)
5) I have been more honest than I’ve ever been
6) I can remember chatting to people (although I didn’t get over my confusion today of real/online names!)
7) I haven’t been angry/violent

I think these outweigh by a mile the things that aren’t ‘going great’.

It’s about weighing things up realistically and yes, sleep and depression are biggies, but their time will come. I will, at some point in the future, be the all-round well-rounded person I can be.

Patience is a virtue 😉

Enjoy the rest of your weekend everyone xx

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Confusingly confused and trying to find the meaning in the meaning of life.

6 thoughts on “Grateful”

  1. I think when we are constantly out of it from booze, our emotional development is arrested, or at least somewhat interrupted. Once the stuff is out of our system and we struggle to function normally, the feelings all come rushing in, with major mood-swings and periods of depression. Sleep is possibly a victim too, as we get overly stressed out by the issue, and lack of sleep becomes a vicious circle and self-perpetuating. I imagine everyone’s recovery pattern is unique. I should think the best approach is to bang on about it as much as you need to with we who understand – which is exactly what you are doing. Good luck with it all. You are in good company.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey lovely lady, what a pleasure to meet you and so grateful for your presence at York and on this blog. It’s a tricky time at the moment and I found,and still find, that writing every day, whether published or kept private, is a great way to relieve the pressure. Everyone has different experiences with recovery and I do empathise with the sleep issue – I sleep around 6 hours only a night and this seems fixed – but I have pretty much given up fighting it. I think it is hormonal. We need to be sopatient with ourselves,forgive our bodies and remember that the brain damage inflicted by years of drinking takes a while to repair. Keep writing it out dear friend, and it will get better xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So glad you enjoyed the meeting in York xx I was at the last one and it was wonderful. Keep sharing and ride out the difficult feelings – it is worth it. I feel you have the strength and have no illusions. You are putting in the hard work and the rewards will come xxx Stay strong xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It was great to meet you on Saturday. When I was younger I was a night owl – went to bed late and didn’t always sleep that well. Over the years I got off to sleep through booze a lot of the time. Since going AF I have reverted to having sleeping problems – busy brain, restless legs etc. I am trying to cut out caffeine and close down all electronic devices an hour at least before bed. Will report back on whether it helps xx


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